I was jealous of a cancer patient the other day

Sounds crazy I know but let me explain what happened...

On Thursday I went into KSB which is my local hospital to get my shot like I do every other week on Thursday...I sit in this room with other people that come for quick things that they don't have to be admitted for...some of them are on IVs as they get some treatment over a hour or so while others like me are just in for a couple minutes getting injections...anyways I was sitting in there listening to this lady talk on her phone and she said "I'm half way done. I've done 21 and I have 21 to go."...and I know it probably sounds weird but I got jealous and that made my heartache for me not her...I wish I could say I'm half way done...I wish I had some sort of number I could count down to...I'm not saying I want cancer I'm saying that I want to know when this all will be over...

For this lady after her treatments if she beats cancer then she becomes a cancer survivor...which is great for her...really it is...no longer will she say I have cancer or I'm being treated for cancer...it will be I beat cancer I'm a cancer survivor...she'll be done with the pain of the chemo and the surgeries and the tests...

That makes me jealous...I want to be in her shoes for that reason...

I will never while I am alive be able to say I beat kidney failure...I'll never be able to count down the days till this is over...I will always say no matter how sick or how healthy I am that I am living with transplant...which means I still have to put up with treatments and tests and so much pain...I don't get a count down...I don't get to mark days off my calender till a set date when this is done...I don't get a halfway point...

And oddly enough that makes my heart ache to be like this woman I saw jabbering away loudly on her phone the other day...

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