I have not had a good week
I'm just gonna say it and to some of you that's no surprise...I feel like crap pretty much the majority of the time and I really think I need blood because I need to be able to live to transplant time...I can tell my hemoglobin is low when I want to nap after just walking up the stairs...ick...and having a low hemoglobin is making me super emotional...I keep crying over stuff I have to deal with all the time...like the other day when I was getting stuck with my needles...crying...today after talking to my grandparents on the phone and knowing they were upset because I am so sick...crying...and even now as I type about crying...I'm crying...
This week it hit me kind of hard that I have been on dialysis for a year...well over a year by a little bit...kind of stinks for reals...last year around this time we were thinking I would have a transplant before Christmas...now a year later we are hoping for the same thing...and well I don't think we thought we would be in this position today...but we are and it's no fun...and it stinks at times...even though dialysis is keeping me alive so much about it sucks...and I hate doing it....blech...
On another note I have been thinking about how some people say I can be awkward or make situations awkward...now I have had multiple people tell me this which is probably good because I don't always realize that I do this...I'm just trying to be funny or truthful or whatever and people don't always know what to do with that...like on my blog I talk about a lot of stuff that people may think its weird to talk about...like throwing up or weird poops or whatever...but I figure if you don't like it don't read my blog...and just so you know I do keep some things back and not post about them...but mostly I figure if I am going to be truthful I am going to be truthful about everything...the good the bad the sucky the whatever...and I'm not going to feel awkward or bad about it...I also figure that unless you flat out tell me you read my blog and ask me something about it I am going to assume you don't and that you don't know what's going on with me...and even if you tell me you read it I won't feel weird about the things you know about me...that's just how I am it takes quiet a lot for me to feel awkward...so if I make you feel awkward and don't know it my bad...but be prepared because it's probably going to happen again...
I don't really know what to say other than that...this week has been hard and I am hoping things get better tomorrow but we will see...need some lasting energy from somewhere though to get me through till I get a kidney...and I need something to brighten up my days...this week it might be listening to Disney songs while I scan pictures since I finally figured out how to work that...a fun trip down memory lane could be a good thing or a bad thing...but I'm gonna try to lean towards the good and just laugh as much as I can...so if you start to see a bunch of picture of you put up on facebook where you look silly it's because I needed a laugh and thought I would share it with you all...
This week I would ask that you would pray for me...not just to feel better but my attitude too...I hate having a crummy attitude...and sometimes when I am like this I know it can make it harder on mom and dad and I don't want to do that...I mean it's hard enough watching your daughter suffer but then having to put up with her mood swings on top of it is no fun...I know they wouldn't complain but it would still suck...so if you think of it pray for us this week as we deal with life and how rough it can be...
This week it hit me kind of hard that I have been on dialysis for a year...well over a year by a little bit...kind of stinks for reals...last year around this time we were thinking I would have a transplant before Christmas...now a year later we are hoping for the same thing...and well I don't think we thought we would be in this position today...but we are and it's no fun...and it stinks at times...even though dialysis is keeping me alive so much about it sucks...and I hate doing it....blech...
On another note I have been thinking about how some people say I can be awkward or make situations awkward...now I have had multiple people tell me this which is probably good because I don't always realize that I do this...I'm just trying to be funny or truthful or whatever and people don't always know what to do with that...like on my blog I talk about a lot of stuff that people may think its weird to talk about...like throwing up or weird poops or whatever...but I figure if you don't like it don't read my blog...and just so you know I do keep some things back and not post about them...but mostly I figure if I am going to be truthful I am going to be truthful about everything...the good the bad the sucky the whatever...and I'm not going to feel awkward or bad about it...I also figure that unless you flat out tell me you read my blog and ask me something about it I am going to assume you don't and that you don't know what's going on with me...and even if you tell me you read it I won't feel weird about the things you know about me...that's just how I am it takes quiet a lot for me to feel awkward...so if I make you feel awkward and don't know it my bad...but be prepared because it's probably going to happen again...
I don't really know what to say other than that...this week has been hard and I am hoping things get better tomorrow but we will see...need some lasting energy from somewhere though to get me through till I get a kidney...and I need something to brighten up my days...this week it might be listening to Disney songs while I scan pictures since I finally figured out how to work that...a fun trip down memory lane could be a good thing or a bad thing...but I'm gonna try to lean towards the good and just laugh as much as I can...so if you start to see a bunch of picture of you put up on facebook where you look silly it's because I needed a laugh and thought I would share it with you all...
This week I would ask that you would pray for me...not just to feel better but my attitude too...I hate having a crummy attitude...and sometimes when I am like this I know it can make it harder on mom and dad and I don't want to do that...I mean it's hard enough watching your daughter suffer but then having to put up with her mood swings on top of it is no fun...I know they wouldn't complain but it would still suck...so if you think of it pray for us this week as we deal with life and how rough it can be...
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