Whatever
Before I forget I should post this...
Also I will most likely be posting a blog later in the week with some videos on it because they are taking forever to load right now...they will be videos about my dialysis...like me getting stuck with the needles and stuff...just to forewarn you now we watched the clip towards the end of my graduation party last night and a couple people had to leave the room because it was making them feel sick...you don't see and blood squirt out everywhere but the needles are pretty giant and it does look gross...
Speaking of my graduation party it was really great...I had so much fun and I think everyone else had a lot of fun too...we hung out and I think it was really laid back which is what we were trying to do...we ate a lot of food...we sang a little bit...we laughed a lot...and I am again so thankful for my friends and family...my mom said last night that being around my friends was giving me a little pep and energy and I couldn't stop laughing...as a result she said I should have friends around more often...problem is that a lot of my friends are away at college so they can't be around a lot...but it happens...
Which coincidentally that last phrase "it happens" is part of what I was going to talk about tonight along with "whatever"...I have been noticing recently how much I say those things...like someone will ask how I am doing I will say "not good but whatever" and just sort of roll my eyes and shrug my shoulders...like today I have been feeling like I am going to barf all over all day...but instead of telling people that I just have been saying that I feel disgusting but whatever...or the other day some one asked me how I was doing at a birthday party and I was feeling horrible and I was on the verge of tears so I just said I wasn't feeling good but whatever and walked away...
I feel like I use it as a cover for how I am feeling emotionally...because frankly when I think about how sick I am and try to talk about it with people all I can think is "that shit is depressing"...so instead of thinking about it and crying and getting more upset I just cover up my frustrations with my life by saying whatever and it happens so that I don't have to think about it anymore than I normally do...
But that's not always good because it has sort of a temporary numbing effect...like it makes me not acknowledge my emotions so then I explode later at some unknown time...which is not good because my emotions tend to explode at the most inopportune times...plus I for a while was trying to not crush my emotions but it would seem I am back to that...which is not good for anyone because then I get emotionally constipated...making me irritable and more upset in other ways...
We have decided to start doing a pre-order for shirts...we are not sure yet what the price will be but we are thinking somewhere between $10 an $20...the more people we have order the shirts the cheaper we can get them...so if you are interested in one text me or write on here or on facebook or something that you want a shirt or shirts for someone else and let me or mom know what size you want...
Also I will most likely be posting a blog later in the week with some videos on it because they are taking forever to load right now...they will be videos about my dialysis...like me getting stuck with the needles and stuff...just to forewarn you now we watched the clip towards the end of my graduation party last night and a couple people had to leave the room because it was making them feel sick...you don't see and blood squirt out everywhere but the needles are pretty giant and it does look gross...
Speaking of my graduation party it was really great...I had so much fun and I think everyone else had a lot of fun too...we hung out and I think it was really laid back which is what we were trying to do...we ate a lot of food...we sang a little bit...we laughed a lot...and I am again so thankful for my friends and family...my mom said last night that being around my friends was giving me a little pep and energy and I couldn't stop laughing...as a result she said I should have friends around more often...problem is that a lot of my friends are away at college so they can't be around a lot...but it happens...
Which coincidentally that last phrase "it happens" is part of what I was going to talk about tonight along with "whatever"...I have been noticing recently how much I say those things...like someone will ask how I am doing I will say "not good but whatever" and just sort of roll my eyes and shrug my shoulders...like today I have been feeling like I am going to barf all over all day...but instead of telling people that I just have been saying that I feel disgusting but whatever...or the other day some one asked me how I was doing at a birthday party and I was feeling horrible and I was on the verge of tears so I just said I wasn't feeling good but whatever and walked away...
I feel like I use it as a cover for how I am feeling emotionally...because frankly when I think about how sick I am and try to talk about it with people all I can think is "that shit is depressing"...so instead of thinking about it and crying and getting more upset I just cover up my frustrations with my life by saying whatever and it happens so that I don't have to think about it anymore than I normally do...
But that's not always good because it has sort of a temporary numbing effect...like it makes me not acknowledge my emotions so then I explode later at some unknown time...which is not good because my emotions tend to explode at the most inopportune times...plus I for a while was trying to not crush my emotions but it would seem I am back to that...which is not good for anyone because then I get emotionally constipated...making me irritable and more upset in other ways...
Comments
Post a Comment