A few updates

Ok so I had a doctors appointment yesterday and we talked to him for a long time because mom and I wrote down a lot of things to tell him or to ask him about...at the start I told him right away that sometimes I don't tell him things because I don't want to be a complainer or a difficult patient...and even though I could care less if anyone else likes me I really want my doctor to like me...what is that all about...I told him that and almost started crying because that's how anxious I have been getting about telling my doctor about what is going on with me...then I started going down the list and some of it he said don't worry about it...some of it he changed around my meds or put me on more meds...like I am on what is called a binder now because my phosphorus is high...which is what is making me so dang itchy all the freakin time...I am happy about that...even though I have to take that pill with all meals and snacks...unless they aren't high in phosphorus...I told him about my surgery that is scheduled for my stomach mass thingy too...and he was happy that was getting taken care of but because my body will be compromised during that time trying to heal itself I won't be able to test for transplant then either...but I don't think I could have tested till after then anyway...and frankly I am just happy to get this thing out of my stomach because it is driving me nuts and causing a lot of pain...so I am not really bummed about that...also we told him that insurance wants me to be double listed through Madison through the university hospital there and that my insurance case manager is already working on that which is good....and he was happy with that...he told me a lot of other stuff too but I doubt you want to know every little thing...but I got done with the list but I skipped over one thing but then my mom said it...that I have been a bit depressed because well my life is sucky right now...and then mom and I were both crying and my nurse started crying a little bit too...and he was good he said that's normal but doesn't want to push any pills or anything right now...which I totally get...I don't really want to take anything else if I don't have to...now mom and I are trying to think of things I can do to get out of the house for a change of pace...even doing stuff like going for a drive or something...we are hoping that type of thing helps...despite all the crying it was still a good appointment...even if I am still a little intimidated by speaking up...it's one of those times when I have to be reminded that going to the doctors office is about how I feel...how my body is doing...it's about me and that's ok...I'm still having a hard time with that one...

On a happier note I was talking to mom about a few different things so here they are...

I love when parts of our worship times at camp get recorded...I know the sound quality in our chapel is not the best at all...and that we are usually recording with someones camera that is used the rest of the week to take pictures...but I still love watching those videos and hearing us...it sort of takes me back to that time at camp...and it makes me smile...because I think about how G is off to my left killing his drums...and my brother Garrett is over there chugging away on his bass...and Lance and whoever Sam or Betsy are off to my right singing with Lance towering over me...and then there is Gary next to me on my left doing his thing...and well I am so grateful that he sort of took me under his wing and I feel like took a chance on me...since I wasn't really the typical girl worship leader at the time...and I also think about how I love being up front seeing most of your faces as you sing and dance and worship...I love it...it's so fun to watch you guys be so carefree in front of our saviour...so when I hear or see the videos it brings me right back to that place...and I am so thankful for that...

I also was talking to her about how cool it is to me when I hear about anyone reading my blog...like people from my church or old camp friends or people I used to go to high school with...I have said before that I really have no idea who reads my blog...so I have been trying to think of something to do so that you don't have to just be like yeah I read it...because even though that's cool when people say that to me I have no idea what to say...so mom and I got thinking that people should post something on their facebook accounts or twitter or whatever that would be like a secret word or something that so I would know...and I said I thought it would be funny if people said amaze-balls...to which she said use it in a sentence...because I would for sure know that was aimed towards me since I don't know a lot of people that like that word like I do...I know it's kind of dumb and silly but I think that's why I like it...so if you want to (which would be super sweet if you did) use amaze-balls in a sentence so I know that you read my blog...that would make my day...


Also don't forget to order a BB/WW shirt...they are amaze-balls...