The Eve of Christmas Eve

It's getting really close to Christmas...and I keep forgetting because I have had so many things going on with trying to get things set up and ready for my surgery...trying to figure out everything with my classes that are starting soon...and then dialysis while I am at U of I for a week taking the first class...it has kind of been a bit of a headache...and I was trying to think what would get me in the Christmas spirit...and I thought of the Peanuts...you know with Snoopy and Charlie Brown...we watch those Christmas movies every year...and every time I hear the passage about that little baby king being born into the world I think of this...


Sometimes it blows my mind to think that God came down to earth to be Emmanuel - God with us...that he wanted a real relationship with us...he wanted so badly to restore what had been broken...that he sent his son...what a precious gift...what an act of love...thinking of this has helped put me in a good mood for Christmas...so has thinking about all the food I am going to eat...

Despite that though I still have been crying a lot today...I don't know if any of you have noticed but I am kind of a hot mess...ok maybe not kind of...but really...

It is frustrating to me that I never get a break from my  life...a lot of people talk about the holidays and how they get a vacation from different things...maybe its a vacation from their job or their co-workers...but whatever it is that is a burden to them they usually don't have to deal with it for a while so they can be refreshed...not the case for this girl...whatever is going on and whatever I do...I am still sick...I still have to go to the hospital tomorrow for blood work and an iron IV...I am having a surgery on Thursday to remove a mass from my stomach...and I am kind of starting to freak out about it...and I still have to do dialysis five days a week...including on Christmas...which means that my mom doesn't really get a break either because she still has to take care of me...and it's not that fun for either of us...

This week I need the reminders found in one of my favorite youtube videos that I stumbled across a few years ago...

 
 
I need to remember my circumstances do not change who God is...and that these things I deal with can shape me into a better person if I let them and if I let God work in that way...things aren't always a happy ending here on earth...like Zac Smith in this video died from cancer...but the party in Heaven will be worth it...and the open arms of Jesus waiting to welcome me home is the best happy ending I can think of...
 
So even though I am frustrated and freaked out and fed up with life...I want to be open to whatever God has for me...and I want to be willing to learn and grow and let him shape me into the Woman of God that he has made me to be...even if that takes hard days like the ones ahead...and even if that takes days like today where I can't seem to stop crying...
 
As Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman say "What Satan intended for evil, God used for God."
 
To God be the glory

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