I heard this quote one time

From a person that was in the twin towers when they were hit on 9-11...he escaped the tower and made it into a nearby building soon after the second tower fell...the was sitting on the floor shaking and a medic came up to him and said he was experiencing post tramtic stress...and he looked up at her and said "aren't I still in the tramtic situation?"...thats how I feel...I'm still in the middle of the bad dream that I can shake off or change...

Last night I was having a hard time falling asleep so I wrote down my thoughts...this is what they were...

Here's the problem...I don't want dad to be in pain and I want him to be able to do all the things he did before like work on his truck...mow the lawn...take care of the garden...cause he loves to do that...he's a farmer at heart...but with his leg injuries that might be a while yet...so if he's ok he will get depressed and might lose a leg which makes those things even harder...so that leaves me stuck because to me logically and from knowing how it feels to be jacked up laying in a bed I would say I just wanna go home to Heaven...and so daddy doens't have to deal with all of this that makes sense...
But I want him to be wrong about dying young...and I don't want him to die in a motorcycle accident...and I want him to be around for a lot of things still...like to teach Cassie how to fillet a fish...or see Matthew ride his bike without training wheels or play t-ball...or be there when I have my next transplant...
He's my dad and I love him so I want what's best for him but he's my dad and I love him so I want what I selfishly think is best for me


I forgot to post this the otherday but here is the link to the site mom has been trying to update to tell people what is going on...
  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lewiefrye


Thanks for all your support...keep it coming

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Scars

Image
I said quite some time ago that I would post a picture of my newest scar...and then I forgot...when I remembered I thought why not just do a post about my scars...I know people who have tattoos and show those off...but I don't have those instead my story is etched on my body in a different way...so here it is...and in some of them I tried to circle scars that I thought were hard to see but it may end up being easier to see them without my attempt at helping... So these first two are obviously of my stomach...the scar with the one by it is hard to see but that scar is over 20 inches long...it wraps around my left side...you can see the end of it in the picture below...that is from my first transplant from when I was 8...the scar with the 2 by it is from my most recent transplant...which as you can tell is much smaller and is still a little red because it's still healing...the three scars circled under my belly button in the bright blue are from dialysis when I was 21 mon
Read more

It’s been a while

Hey there, So it’s been a while. I wish I could say I was returning with amazingly great news about life or some mind blowing tidbit about Jesus. But I think by now if you are reading this or have rread any of my posts in the past you know that is not this blog. Having a blog that mostly chronicals the downs of being a person with a chronic illness means that posting again after a bit of a hiatus can really only mean one thing - more downs to report. If you’ve seen my recent social media posts. You might think, “How can that be? You are doing all this work at your house.” Well when you are sick you get good at knowing that life goes on no matter how you feel. So you go on and sometimes above with it. Here’s what is going on - after having a horrible appointment with a gynecologist in something like October I finally decided I really needed to see someone else because the increasing pain on and off my period is not ok. And as someone who has wanted a hysterectomy for more than 1
Read more

After Moving Day

Health update - I have been feeling better since starting this medication. The side effects were a little rough at first but I think my body has adjusted since I have been feeling much better and have energy again. Mom and Dad moved into their newly remodeled house this weekend and I am so happy for them. They have needed a one story house for a few years since they have been talking about it even before Dad's accident. We have already created so many fun memories and stories to tell during the renovation that I can't wait to see what other adventures this house has for our family. Often during this move I have felt like other people have been more attached to my parents house than my family. Sure my brother, sister and I all grew up in that house and we had a lot of fun memories in that house. But a four bedroom, two level house was too much house for my parents to live in alone. In the past few years instead of being able to remember the fun times in the house we've j
Read more