Future

I have been posting and talking a lot about my future...about the classes I will need to take...about how it all scares me...and sometimes people will respond saying different things...

Now I know you all mean well but sometimes I just want to tell you all to shut up...my being honest and open does not mean I want advice from everyone and their brothers on how to live my life...I already get enough instructions on how to live my life from my doctors...I really am just venting because I need to get some things off my chest and because I have continuously told myself that I need to be honest with those around me...so I am...but I don't really want people telling me what they think I should do or want them to give me their ideas about different things...like where I should go to school...the program I should go into...or what profession I should choose...it's already chosen...

I know that you all mean well and that you are saying these things because you want the best for my life...you love me and you want to see me succeed in life and live a life that I love...but it is still my life to live not yours...so if I thought that I would be happy joining a circus to become a elephant rider...you would all have to be ok with that because it is my decision...the opinion that really matters is God's...I am living my life to please him...not you anyone else...so unless I ask for your opinion flat out please keep it to yourself...like I said I know you mean well...but sometimes I just need to talk and need others to listen...

Also I feel like people make a big deal out of having fear...like I am less of a Christ follower because I have some fear about the future...but the thing is I am putting this all in God's hands...so I don't know what's going to happen...I have to trust him...and though I do trust God completely he's still God and that's a big deal...which brings me to a C.S. Lewis quote from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe as per usual...

"Aslan is a lion - the Lion, the great Lion." "Ooh" said Susan."I'd thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion." "Safe?" said Mr. Beaver "Who said anything about safe. But he's good. He's the king, I tell you."

God is so big and there are so many things about him that freak me out a little bit...but that doesn't mean I love or trust him any less...that means I am a human who has normal human emotions...but I am not letting any of these fears about the future stop me from moving on with my life and getting what I want...and living my dreams...

And for my dreams the only capable hands that I can see to put them in is God's...not any of my friends or my families despite how much they love me or how well-meaning you all are...you do not shape my future...God does...he directs my paths and he is who I have to answer to if I mess up...and he is the only one who can get upset when I don't follow what he wants for me or when I don't follow his advice...because I am a Christ follower...not a (fill in the blank with a name) follower...a Christ follower...so he is the only one who can tell me when my plans are not right...or stupid...or whatever...