This weeks blog could be interesting
First I should say my birthday was pretty great...facebook was blown up with purple...and so was my phone...so that was super great...definitely made me feel special and loved...so that's kind of a big deal...all day I would think nothing can top this...and then someone else would do something incredible that would top it...there was Dom's purple hair...Chris's purple shirt that he drew...the present from JoJo that was all moustache stuff...the balloon arch at Salamandra's...the singing moustache card from my nephews...and so much more...it felt good to celebrate my day with my family and friends...and to celebrate with PURPLE and MOUSTACHES...the moustache part wasn't planned but ended up being pretty darn great...I'm so glad that people know me and my love of weird things like facial hair...
Besides what happened on my birthday this week has been a little on the stinky side...which I feel bad about...shouldn't I just be celebrating that I had a birthday and that so many people celebrated with me...evidently not...I have to get all emotionally weird...
I have been frustrated by a lot of things...and frustrated with God...I don't understand why even though he can do all these crazy awesome things he doesn't...and doesn't even do simple things that seem so easy to me...I am really struggling with that right now...I know he has everything all worked out and he works through things for the best...and that he only gives good gifts...but I can't lie I sometimes have a hard time seeing the good in everything he does...
I also have been getting super frustrated with people...I mean it's probably a good problem to have...I just am sick of every one saying how inspiring I am no matter what I say...I told my mom and my best friend and then my Bible study group that it's tiring being inspiring...don't get me wrong...some days I need that...like days when I feel like I can't do anything right...but then there are days when I don't want to be strong or deal with this life at all...and it's those days when I get sick of people saying great things about me...I feel like I could say that I stole that $53 million that Rita stole and people would be like "it's so good of you that you told the truth you are so inspiring"...like I said that's probably a good problem to have...I just wonder sometimes if people are actually hearing what I am saying...but evidently admitting that you suck at so many things is inspiring...which I totally don't get...
I am going through one of those periods though where I am sick of life a little bit...like it just feels disappointing where I am at in life...I'm not overwhelmed by it really...I just don't want to do any of it right now...
Which leads me to a line in a new P!nk song...which if you don't know I am in love with P!nk...that is the singer...not the color...anyways her new CD came out this week...and just like all her other CDs it's amaze-balls...there is a song on her CD that I love...though it's not favorite...but my favorite song doesn't really fit in with my blog...(my favorite song on her new CD is the song "Just Give me a Reason" with Nate Ruess of Fun. because they sound incredible together...blew my mind the first time I heard it)...anywho this song is called "Beam Me Up" and a line in the song says "Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter"...truer words were never spoken about my life...actually that's a lie because I am pretty sure I have said that about other song lyrics written by her before...but that's how I have been feeling...that I am tired of being strong...of fighting for my life...I want a break...
It's nice what so many people see me as being so strong...but what I feel like they don't see is how much being strong suck sometimes...and though I have said many times that I wouldn't trade this life because it has made me who I am...I also wouldn't wish this life on anyone else...because it's freakin hard and I don't always like it...
If you want to pray for me for my attitude...especially with God...that would be great...
Besides what happened on my birthday this week has been a little on the stinky side...which I feel bad about...shouldn't I just be celebrating that I had a birthday and that so many people celebrated with me...evidently not...I have to get all emotionally weird...
I have been frustrated by a lot of things...and frustrated with God...I don't understand why even though he can do all these crazy awesome things he doesn't...and doesn't even do simple things that seem so easy to me...I am really struggling with that right now...I know he has everything all worked out and he works through things for the best...and that he only gives good gifts...but I can't lie I sometimes have a hard time seeing the good in everything he does...
I also have been getting super frustrated with people...I mean it's probably a good problem to have...I just am sick of every one saying how inspiring I am no matter what I say...I told my mom and my best friend and then my Bible study group that it's tiring being inspiring...don't get me wrong...some days I need that...like days when I feel like I can't do anything right...but then there are days when I don't want to be strong or deal with this life at all...and it's those days when I get sick of people saying great things about me...I feel like I could say that I stole that $53 million that Rita stole and people would be like "it's so good of you that you told the truth you are so inspiring"...like I said that's probably a good problem to have...I just wonder sometimes if people are actually hearing what I am saying...but evidently admitting that you suck at so many things is inspiring...which I totally don't get...
I am going through one of those periods though where I am sick of life a little bit...like it just feels disappointing where I am at in life...I'm not overwhelmed by it really...I just don't want to do any of it right now...
Which leads me to a line in a new P!nk song...which if you don't know I am in love with P!nk...that is the singer...not the color...anyways her new CD came out this week...and just like all her other CDs it's amaze-balls...there is a song on her CD that I love...though it's not favorite...but my favorite song doesn't really fit in with my blog...(my favorite song on her new CD is the song "Just Give me a Reason" with Nate Ruess of Fun. because they sound incredible together...blew my mind the first time I heard it)...anywho this song is called "Beam Me Up" and a line in the song says "Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter"...truer words were never spoken about my life...actually that's a lie because I am pretty sure I have said that about other song lyrics written by her before...but that's how I have been feeling...that I am tired of being strong...of fighting for my life...I want a break...
It's nice what so many people see me as being so strong...but what I feel like they don't see is how much being strong suck sometimes...and though I have said many times that I wouldn't trade this life because it has made me who I am...I also wouldn't wish this life on anyone else...because it's freakin hard and I don't always like it...
If you want to pray for me for my attitude...especially with God...that would be great...
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