Before I get into this post
I feel the need to apologize for something I said three weeks ago...I mentioned that I was frustrated with what I called the "petty arguments" going on at my church right now...and I apologize for that...maybe I should have expanded more...maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all...I am upset about this because of the hurt that I see in peoples lives and that hurts me...both sides from what I have seen are hurting a lot and we should be building up and encouraging one another through all this and I am not sure that we are doing that...I probably shouldn't have opened my mouth at all since I don't really know at all what has been going on because so many other things have been going on in our lives that have kept us pre-occupied...I was also in a bad mood that day because I was frustrated with my life...I have a lot of days where I can't believe this is my life and I let my frustrations about that bleed over into other things and I shouldn't have...I am sorry about that...I do want my church to know that whatever you believe whatever you are feeling I love you and I think you are great people...you have shown your love for our family multiple times by pouring out your love on us to help us out in our times of need and that blows me away...thank you so much for that...you are all great people and I wish that I could some how heal all the hurt in our lives...
Now on to more fun things...camp...
I am not sure what to say because so much happened...I am not sure what to keep to myself and what to share...there is so much that I want to shout about because it was so cool...but if I were to write everything this post would be super long...
I want to say that I loved worshipping with the band...as always...when I know I am going to be around them I sing the Rodney Atkins song "These are my People" because that's how I feel about the band...I could worship with others but I love Love LOVE worshipping with the Senior camp worship band...this year too it felt ever better than ever because I felt this year like I was actually friends with Sam...the other girl who started singing with the band a couple years ago...the first year she joined us I got like a weird girl and felt sort of threatened by her...thinking that I would be replaced even though I knew I wouldn't...last year I was so sick that I could barely even worship with the band most of the time...but then this year I feel like I was able to actually get to know Sam and see how fun she is like everyone has always told me...doing that made worshipping with her that much more special...also knowing how much all those guys care about me makes me feel really good and really loved...those guys constantly pour love out on me showing me what a man of God looks like...
It was also nice to have girls that were so open and willing to learn and share with each other...I am glad they had so much fun since all but one of them were seniors making this their last year and I wanted it to be memorable for them...hopefully I made it fun for them...I had been questioning that all week and I am still am...they seemed to enjoy some of the things we did but that still makes me wonder if I did a good job...if I taught them anything...I will say though that as some of the older girls they did great at being princesses...I shared with them early on that because they were the older girls of camp they were leaders like princesses are...which meant that we wanted them to be examples to others showing them what it looked like to love on others and care about others...then when we talked about how princesses are strong, loving, joyful, hopeful, truth seeking, and live out the fruits of the spirit they lived those out at camp and that was nice for me to see...they also were great encouragers and were great on the dance floor at getting others to dance with them helping make others feel included...I am very proud of them...
And since everyone has been asking me about this...I did fine most of the week health wise...I did dialysis out there three afternoons while the kids were there and some of them thought it was very cool...I didn't crash till Friday night after the dance party and at that point I was hurting all over...that's how much a wore myself out...in my opinion it was worth it because I was able to do a lot and because I have a lot of time to feel better cause I don't really do anything else...I am still feeling a little tired and a little sick...but whatever it happens when you are a sick kid...
Also I mentioned before camp that I had started to doubt and fear that I would do anything good or that I would be useful...some of those doubts are back...telling me that all my work was for nothing...that I spent too much time crying over what was going on in my life...telling me that I was not useful at all...so that has been interesting to deal with...
And one last thing for now...my dad is coming home tomorrow...so that is really exciting...he hasn't been home in over a month and I know mom is really looking forward to having him home and I am too...it will be nice to have a new routine that doesn't require driving an hour both ways to see him...a new routine where we can stay home and start eating at home again...a new routine that hopefully makes life not feel so nuts...even though lets be honest it kind of is...thank you again for all the support and love that you all have poured out on us...it means more to us than you will ever know...
Now on to more fun things...camp...
I am not sure what to say because so much happened...I am not sure what to keep to myself and what to share...there is so much that I want to shout about because it was so cool...but if I were to write everything this post would be super long...
I want to say that I loved worshipping with the band...as always...when I know I am going to be around them I sing the Rodney Atkins song "These are my People" because that's how I feel about the band...I could worship with others but I love Love LOVE worshipping with the Senior camp worship band...this year too it felt ever better than ever because I felt this year like I was actually friends with Sam...the other girl who started singing with the band a couple years ago...the first year she joined us I got like a weird girl and felt sort of threatened by her...thinking that I would be replaced even though I knew I wouldn't...last year I was so sick that I could barely even worship with the band most of the time...but then this year I feel like I was able to actually get to know Sam and see how fun she is like everyone has always told me...doing that made worshipping with her that much more special...also knowing how much all those guys care about me makes me feel really good and really loved...those guys constantly pour love out on me showing me what a man of God looks like...
It was also nice to have girls that were so open and willing to learn and share with each other...I am glad they had so much fun since all but one of them were seniors making this their last year and I wanted it to be memorable for them...hopefully I made it fun for them...I had been questioning that all week and I am still am...they seemed to enjoy some of the things we did but that still makes me wonder if I did a good job...if I taught them anything...I will say though that as some of the older girls they did great at being princesses...I shared with them early on that because they were the older girls of camp they were leaders like princesses are...which meant that we wanted them to be examples to others showing them what it looked like to love on others and care about others...then when we talked about how princesses are strong, loving, joyful, hopeful, truth seeking, and live out the fruits of the spirit they lived those out at camp and that was nice for me to see...they also were great encouragers and were great on the dance floor at getting others to dance with them helping make others feel included...I am very proud of them...
And since everyone has been asking me about this...I did fine most of the week health wise...I did dialysis out there three afternoons while the kids were there and some of them thought it was very cool...I didn't crash till Friday night after the dance party and at that point I was hurting all over...that's how much a wore myself out...in my opinion it was worth it because I was able to do a lot and because I have a lot of time to feel better cause I don't really do anything else...I am still feeling a little tired and a little sick...but whatever it happens when you are a sick kid...
Also I mentioned before camp that I had started to doubt and fear that I would do anything good or that I would be useful...some of those doubts are back...telling me that all my work was for nothing...that I spent too much time crying over what was going on in my life...telling me that I was not useful at all...so that has been interesting to deal with...
And one last thing for now...my dad is coming home tomorrow...so that is really exciting...he hasn't been home in over a month and I know mom is really looking forward to having him home and I am too...it will be nice to have a new routine that doesn't require driving an hour both ways to see him...a new routine where we can stay home and start eating at home again...a new routine that hopefully makes life not feel so nuts...even though lets be honest it kind of is...thank you again for all the support and love that you all have poured out on us...it means more to us than you will ever know...
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