If you haven't figured out

I am not good at sugar coating things...

So I'mma  just say that things are super tough around here...when we went to Walmart today mom told someone that she is burning the candle at both ends and in the middle...sounds pleasant doesn't it...NOT...

But I don't really know what to tell people how to help out...for example I can't really tell people to come over and do my dialysis because mom and I trained together...its a lot different than general nurse stuff and there is a lot you have to learn...and we aren't really supposed to let anyone else do this stuff who hasn't been trained unless I go to a clinic...which truthfully with all mom has to do doesn't sound like such a bad idea right now even though its harder on your body and takes longer...but I don't want mom to have to take care of me  or be worried about me or anything...gosh things would be so much simpler if I had a new kidney that worked in my body right now...

Besides that today has been a little bit on a downer...I haven't been feeling that great and have been sleeping most of the day...my hemoglobin is still fine for me but man am I feeling it...plus I am a bit moody like everyone in this household at the moment...I know mom wouldn't call me a burden but I feel like one and I can tell she is worn out and having a hard time handling all this at times...there is just so much to do for even one of us and now both of us...dang I couldn't do it...I am majorly proud of her and in awe of her...if I were in her shoes I would be a mess all the time...especially because she is not taking care of strangers at a hospital but her own family...don't know how she does it...continue to pray for her as you pray for dad...she needs it just as much...

It is also weird for me to be in this situation right now...dad is a new person after the accident which is to be expected but I am still a bit unsure what to do with that...I mean he's still my dad and I still love him but I had 22 years to get used to the person he was before...22 years of knowing how he would react to things 22 years of knowing what would make him laugh...22 years of a lot of things...so now I don't know what is going to be different and what is going to be the same...and that is super weird for me...made I should just rent Die Hard so we can watch that together again...

But there is no easy fix like that...and I am impatient...why do things have to get so rough before they get better...today is a day where life is sucky and craptastic and not really a lot of fun at all...

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