I love to laugh

today has been a day full of laughter...which is nice because life as you all know has been a little more than rough lately...so today it has been nice to sit around with friends and laugh...as Bob Bates (who was here earlier) would say "if I think somethings funny, I'm gonna laugh"...I like to think I am like this guy...


The thing about this though it that although I am having a good day filled with laughter...today is also the day when my emotions have decided they have been built up in me long enough...so even though there has been a lot to laugh about and I have been laughing...I have also been spending some time in my room balling my eyes out...

I don't know how to tell you how hard this life can be to deal with at times...some days like today I am constantly asking myself if this really is my life...and not in a good way...I'm stuck mainly in my house...and mostly in my bed the majority of the time because I am too sick and tired for anything else...I know when I go to church I tell people I am fine but the truth of the matter is a little depressing...there is not a time when I am not tired...walking inside from the car sometimes makes me feel like I have to sit down because even just that can wear me out...my body has a million and one aches and pains because it is falling apart...and well dialysis sucks...most people don't have to think about how their kidneys effect the rest of their body...I don't have a day when I don't...then put on top of that the side effects of my meds (all 12 or 13 of them) and that adds up to feeling pretty crappy all the time...

But still I tell people I am fine...why...well no one likes a complainer...telling the truth is a bit of a downer...and some days I just don't want people all up in my business so I brush them off by using one of the most nondescript words ever...

But if you were to ask me how I was doing today...and if by chance I were to answer truthfully here's what it would sound like..."I don't know...life is a mess...my emotions are a mess...and though I have laughed a lot today followed by a lot of crying making me feel like I have some sort of emotional schizophrenia...I do feel a bit overwhelmed with this life that is way more than I can handle...oh and I want a damn new kidney that works already...I'm sick of waiting because my patience last about as long as a goldfish's memory"...but if you don't want to hear me get a bit outraged...or see me cry...or really get involved in the mess...then my answer remains "I'm fine"...


Now back to laughing...anyone know any good jokes?

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